Shoes, politics and medals

I know these are hard times for us and we are undergoing the reign of Terror under the juggernaut of Swift and Pope. Let us have some respite and switch over to politics. What about the recent spate of shoe hurling episodes during the current electoral process?
Sometimes I wonder whether the whites have rightly dubbed us ‘the other’. Shoes and chappals have always been the most successful weapons in our country. But we are using it now when once it was flung at Bush by the Iraqi journalist. Are we merely apes? We should have started employing this tactic much earlier. Every now and then our parliament witnesses this melodrama. Despite that our fortune-forgers seem to be as unchangeable as Bush remained on his standpoint on the Iraq issue. Then, it gives the impression that these missiles have proved to be innocuous and utter failure.
But again your toil never goes in vain. If you follow my advice, I’ll earnestly suggest you to learn the art of shoe flinging. Believe me I’ve already started practicing it.
What! How can you accuse me of doing so in order to gain cheap popularity? How many of you can recall the name of that journalist who initiated this chain. Friends history has been an evidence of it that those who meet tragic fall survive the test of time. Troy is still more famous than Sparta. Let me be plain then and say that in the whole melodrama the leader who will bravely encounter this missile of shoes will be immortal, at least during the elections. I can foresee that very soon political parties will hire not goons but those who would be expert in hurling shoes. They will be bribed to fling the missiles at big political leaders so that they may come to the limelight. Thus very soon this will emerge as a big market, like a subculture, and hopefully as a sport it will be included in the Olympics. We will be able to win many gold medals as our political leaders are already experts in throwing shoes. This will further lead to the democratization of the whole process. Shoe companies will flock to us for advertisements. Now you could have understood why I was counseling you to cultivate this art.
For girls this skill will equip them with double advantage. Along with the above-mentioned advantage they can keep the eve-teasers at bay. The only repercussion of which I am afraid is that the rocketing price of shoes will make my already straitened circumstances more precarious, as presently I am struggling to buy a new pair of shoes.